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--- punny_annoyances [2021.12.22 10:51] – external edit 127.0.0.1
+++ punny_annoyances [2023.01.17 15:44] (current) – Steve Isenberg
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-These from various sources including JR and WS.//
+//These from various sources including JR and WS.//
 ==== A collection of Puns and Other Humor ====
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   - What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
   - I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
 ====This English Language=====
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   - If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that fifth person ENJOYS it?
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+====Getting Old====
+  - When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
+  - To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
+  - Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
+  - It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
+  - The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
+  - When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
+  - I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
+  - I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
+  - Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
+  - If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
+  - When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
+  - I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
+  - I run like the winded.
+  - I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
+  - When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
+  - When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
+  - I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
+  - When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
+  - Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
+  - Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
+  - My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb."